The touch of a baby's hand....

Bonding with babies in the NICU can be.... challenging. At least, for this momma it has been. They are so little and hooked up to so many tubes and wires and there are beeps and monitors abounding. That added to the fact that I didn't even see them at their birth or for hours afterwards and haven't held them to my breast, made it difficult for me to really feel that these babies were indeed mine and forever will be. Until today.

Today I was down visiting and Joel was there also. I was standing next to Amelia's incubator and Joel next to Sam's just a few feet away. I had my hand cupping Amelia's tiny little head and had my hand close to her face. I felt something brush my hand and I looked down to see her precious little fingers wrap around one of mine. My heart just melted and I looked over at Joel and saw that Sam was holding onto his finger too! We smiled at each other and it seemed that God was whispering,"These are your children that I have given you Jenny," and tears were soon streaming down my face. He filled my heart with love.

So, though there won't be "Gerber babies" sucking happily at my breast for a long time to come, these little ones working so hard to breath and grow and thrive are indeed little extensions of our hearts just the same. Please pray that God continues to give us wisdom on how we can best parent and love our babies while they spend time in the hospital and while they are so premature. Right now Joel is just incredible because he seems to be able to look past all of the tubes and everything and feels so comfortable handling the babies, helping with their tube feedings, etc. and I am so very thankful for that because I have felt so guilty that it hasn't been easy for me. I see one of my most important roles as mommy right now is to be breast milk provider and so I am pumping every two hours, though my milk probably won't come in for a couple of days. I hope to move beyond that, though, and feel more confident in holding and loving on them despite being surrounded my all of the medical "stuff".

I am going home tomorrow! Oh, I just can't wait to be back in our little house. It will be hard going home without Amelia and Sam and yet we are thankful to live so close to the hospital. We are about a 10 minute drive away. I know you all want to see pictures and I promise that I want to post some for you!For some reason the hospital internet won't let me attach pictures to e-mails or the blog, so that is first thing on my list when I get home.

Thanks again for your support and continued prayers. We feel so lifted up and cared for! I will try and return calls and e-mails and blog comments...but until I catch up just know that we appreciate every word. Much love and more updates soon, Jen