Perspective...

The babies had a good day today. Amelia's oxygen stayed at a good level and she didn't have to go back on CPAP and Sam did fine as well. He'll have a follow up chest echo on Monday to see if anything has changed with his PDA. They are both having calories added to their breast milk, and so if they continue to tolerate their feedings well we should start seeing some weight gain:)

It was a rough start for me at the NICU today. We had a new nurse and I had forgotten to bring my ID. I have never had a nurse ask me for an ID and we had our NICU badges on, but she wanted to see an ID as well. This is fine, and certainly not uncommon, but it just made my heart hurt to be chastised for not having an ID in order to see my babies. It just seemed wrong. Then, I was taking Amelia's temp. and touched a tube that is supposed to stay sterile and was reminded not to touch it. That was enough. I handed the thermometer to Joel and walked away with tears starting to flow. I walked over to Sam and just looked at him through the incubator glass, afraid I would do something else wrong if I opened it to touch him. I watched him and saw him working so hard to breath and reminded myself that I needed to be strong for him and let him hear my voice and feel my touch...I could fall apart later if need be. After that little pep talk I was feeling better and asked if I could hold Amelia while she ate. The nurse wrapped her up in blankets and handed her to me in a rocking chair and I got to hold her for about an hour. Joel sat close beside me and we talked and oohed and awed over her sweet lips and dark hair and perfect little nose. We played with her fingers and talked about her personality....it was a precious time.

As we were talking and I was holding her close, Gavin's mom walked by. Gavin is a baby who was in the incubator next to Sam when the babies were in Pod 1. He was born at 26 weeks and at a month old still weighs less than 2 lbs. He has had a lung collapse, has had many, many problems with his breathing, and today she told us that he has a bad infection. This is his third infection. She looked at us and said how happy she was for us that we got to hold the babies and that they might get to hold Gavin for the first time next week. A month without holding their newborn babe. My heart broke for her and as she walked away I realized how blessed we were to be sitting there with Amelia and Sam. As hard as it is to have setbacks, there are soooo many things that have gone right. Our talk put things in perspective.

So , next time you pray for the babies say a prayer for little Gavin and his family too. I am praying that we can be an encouragement to them during this most difficult of times.

Hope you all are doing well,
Jen