Yet another blessed night of firsts, wonderful amazing firsts. If you have not been where we are, as parents, you probably will not get it, I certainly would not have got this a week ago but I get it now. There is something so perfectly and unblemishingly right about the first kisses to my babies. There was a connection not felt in any other moment so far, it was instantaneous. I have no idea if they felt what I did but it was almost like a soothing welding of me to them, a permanency declaring me as their dad and them as my beautiful little baby girl and my beloved little boy. I was not expecting that. I was excited to kiss their soft skin but had no idea, no preparation, for the bond that would be made by such a simple act. I am one whooped papa.
I'm not even sure if we are supposed to be kissing them, but I have held them a few times and wanted to but didn't. I think I did not ask if I could because I did not want to be told no, so I didn't ask. I just acted. Tonight was too tempting; just right. It was just me and my boy at first with the lights down so he would open his little eyes (Jenny's right, they are definitely blue) and then he was just talking and squeaking and squirming and making all kinds of faces again. I couldn't resist kissing him on the top of his cute tiny head, so I did.
Amelia takes my heart away each time I hold her. Someone asked me if it was different holding my daughter (first time I have ever typed those words in reference to me, amazing) for the first time than it was my son (see above parenthesis). The answer is an unequivocal YES! There's just something so pure and royal about a daughter, something untouchable really. They have a magic that is not like the magic of a son. I think a son puffs a dads chest out, but a daughter rips his heart right out of that chest. It's so weird that my time lapse between these two different gender experiences is only separated by minutes, if that at times. I held Amelia tonight after Sam and she was wide awake. Her eyes were as wide as I had ever seen them so far in her nearly 1 week on Earth. She was actively taking my heart each time she would look up at me with those helpless little eyes (color to be determined) and squeal just enough to be audible and pleasant. I was overwhelmed and was left with no other choice than to stretch my neck down to reach the top of her little head and kiss it. Oh the joy!
I would imagine that if you're not a parent or can't relate in some way you must think I am a bit off the deep end. Well, I assure you, I am a bit off the deep end and the water's just right. Come on in. And if you can relate then you know perfectly well what I am talking about. It's almost more than I can bare it's so wonderful.
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4 comments:
So glad to hear that you were able to have these firsts with them. It's amazing and wonderful to be able these little ones and know what a miracle they truly are!
Hope you guys have a great day today!
It's been great to read your experiences, Joel! We hope for many many more to come. We're praying. Hope you all have another wonderful day today.
As a parent, I know just what you mean. No one can quite understand it until you hold your own for the first time, kiss their little heads and keep them near your heart. I feel I am re-experiencing being a parent every time I read your posting, Joel. Wow! Being a grandparent now makes it even more precious.
Wishing you and Jenny much happiness and joy.
Joel, don't bother returning my phone call yesterday. I have it all now from this "blog". I will invent a new word for this thing besides "blog", because, Jenny and Joel, this is the most beautiful thing I have ever read in my entire life! As a parent it hits me to the core. I am melted. I'm a tearful, joyful wreck, like a newly crowned ridiculous beauty queen. I thank God for the precious privilege of being your friend, whom you have so generously shared this experience with. I talked to Steve Lewis yesterday and he emailed me the link to your--whatever this place should be called--so I didn't have any clue the babies were born. I don't think I could have focused on my first day of new job had I known. I'm glad I'm home and can joyfully blubber in private. I think you are the best parents in the world, and God loves us all so much. Aloha, Brettskie
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