Be thou my vision...

*
I was rocking Sammy this afternoon.He had awoken after 20 minutes of napping and was inconsolable. Imagine this times 10 times 2 babies and you can imagine what the past two nights have been for us. We think they must be constipated again and Joel is on his way to Wild Oats as i write this to get more prunes. The point is, though, that I was was sitting there feeling exhausted, frustrated, at a loss. I looked over at my magazine rack and saw a little portion of a hymn I had copied to sing to the babes. This portion was sticking over the top of the magazine rack and as I read it tears came to my eyes....

Be though my Vision, O Lord of my heart:
Not be all else to me, save that Thou art
Though my best Thought, by day or by night,
Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light.

It was one of those moments that makes you remember you are not alone. He is there, in the midst of the night, in the early morning darkness, in the bright of day. He is there. He is waiting to help us through our trials. To give us peace when we feel out of control. To give us hope when there seems to be no end in sight. To give us patience, understanding, compassion when we feel none of those things. He is our victory when we feel defeated. His presence my light. I believe with all of my heart that that little portion of a hymn was sent to me, straight to my heart. To remind me that mothering is, of course, just as spiritual as any other activity. One that we need to draw on His strength for. And one that, in the end, is not a test of how quickly our babies sleep through the night, but an opportunity to please the Lord with our repsonses to the many joys and trials that come our way. And with that, I took a deep breath and held Sammy a little closer and looked at him with a little more compassion and eventually helped him back to sleep.

Now, this is not to say that I enjoy feeling sleep deprived or do not have plans to keep plugging away at our attempts to help the babes sleep longer. It just means that I am going to try to remember not to go it alone, and not to feel like it is the end all be all of my success or failure as a mama, and to find the many joys that can still come when He is my vision. Thanks for sharing this journey with us, Jen

*This picture is of the babes napping in their hammocks. And yes, Sam has a pink blanket over him. We just can't always be color coordinated around here:)