Passion.

So, we went to the Earth Day celebration at Liberty Park again this year. It was fun and interesting and....disappointing. See, for a while now I have been reading a lot about Rudolf Steiner and his philosophy on educating the whole child using their heads, hands, and hearts. I have so enjoyed the books that I have read and really have been inspired by a lot (not all) of his ideas--especially of his teachings about simplicity of toys, time in nature, rhythm in our days, creativity, freedom to play, and on and on.

Let me back up and say that the other day I read a quote that said something like, "One cannot be happy until they are passionate about something." When I read that it really resonated with me. I feel like my spirit has indeed been much happier since the babes came and my passion for mothering and children has two outlets!

Okay, back to Waldorf philosophy. When I do find something that I connect with dealing with motherhood I can be pretty, well, obsessive about it. I try not to be, but I just hunger to know more about it. So, for the past few years Joel has had to listen to lots and lots about natural birthing, attachment parenting, educating and nurturing children, Montessori, Waldorf, slings, cloth diapers, organic foods, simplicity in our lifestyle, toys that nurture creativity, and on and on and on. I am passionate about these things.

So, you can imagine my excitement when we were walking around the booths at the Earth Day celebration and I happened upon the local Waldorf school booth. First of all, it was shabby. Waldorf schools really focus on soothing , beautiful colors and play things and I didn't see that represented at all. Then, there was a man there talking to the parent representative and he asked her, "So, tell me what is different about your school than any of the other schools in town." What a fun question! One that I would love to answer and I don't even have a child at the school! The mom hemmed and hawwed and then said something like, "Well, creativity is focused on." What?! There is so much more to it than that. I walked away, disappointed.

So, yesterday on my way to church I was thinking about the experience and I thought, "Now Jenny, there are lots of things you aren't passionate about so don't get on a high horse!" But then I thought, "No, the thing that was disappointing was that she was representing something and you should be passionate about something you are representing, shouldn't you?" I had a similar experience in a store a few weeks ago when I was more passionate about the product than the sales person and I guess I am just getting tired of this!

So, I got to church and was so happy to be there (my church visits have been extremely sporadic since the babes have been unable to go) and I was standing there singing my heart out about and all of the sudden I had a little epiphany about passion in my life. I thought, " If I, calling myself a Christian, claim to be a representative of Christ and His message of love and hope and forgiveness, had someone come to me eager to learn about this Saviour--would they find passion? If they were to ask me about cloth diapering and then about Jesus (just pretend with me folks)--which would I be more eager to tell them about? The Giver of Life or Fuzzi Bunz pocket diapers? The Healer of wounds or Waldorf dolls? The Forgiver of sin or BPA free sippy cups? I know it sounds silly, but I am really serious! Sadly, I spend much, much more time reading about all things mothering and natural living than I do about Christ and His message and love and truth.

It was an epiphany that went straight to my heart. I'm not saying that being passionate about all of those other things isn't a good thing. Indeed, I feel like God has given me the gifts of Sam and Amelia to nurture to the best of my ability and has given me this passion. It's just that the ultimate joy in my heart can only be fulfilled with a passion for Him--a true understanding of His love and sacrifice for us.

Happiness? Give me wooden toys and Maya wraps and books about nurturing children all day long. Joy? Well, standing there in that little green building surrounded by fellow seekers of Christ reminded me that only through a knowledge and love of Him who created me can I find true joy. It was a good reminder. It was a convicting reminder. Hopefully, one that will spur on growth in this mama's life.

Here's to little and big epiphanies in our days, Jen