The Fourth

The Fourth is about freedom. It is supposed to be a reminder of our forefathers’ and foremothers’ declaration of, and subsequent fight for, freedom. I’ve always had a twinge of patriotism in me and have loved history and certainly all the war stories of our country, at least the ones where we win. As I grew older war became the place where boys became men and adventure was everywhere. It was a place to make a mark for yourself and your country. Then as I got older still and joined the Army the idea and presence of war took on a whole different face. It is where fear grips you; it makes these boys-turned-men soil themselves because they are so afraid. It is where death lurks and preys everywhere. War is where friends die. Where loved ones die. Where heroes die. Where future minds are snuffed out in the blink of an eye. It is a place where parents are made childless and where children are made parentless. War, I have learned, is not glorious, is not a proper place to turn children into adults, and is utterly horrible. I am not saying all this in regards to our current situation in Iraq, though it is apt, I say this with our countries history in mind. I saw yet another side to war I had not seen until today.

I was lying in bed with my two beautiful babies and was reflecting on the Fourth and what it is supposed to mean. You know how fast thoughts whiz through the mind and it would take a canon to explain a 5 second thought process, well that happened to me. I ended up thinking of what it really meant back then in General George Washington’s day to fight with rebels for a cause they knew they would probably loose their life for. What occurred to me and hit home like never before, was the fact that those men and women thought so much of the ideal of freedom that they would leave their families, their newborn twins, to go off and fight for a cause that would most likely not see victory and they would most likely see death. I thought of myself having to do that and I do not think I possess the strength to do such a thing. When I left for Colombia, where I was very unlikely to die, I wept and that was without any children. I was scared. I have seen death, breathed its horrible stench, and seen young men die for no real cause because of war. I think of that and am unbelievably moved by the strength of those who paid the price so that we may have freedom. Another thing struck me, the price willing to be paid for freedom. We have not suffered under a regime that does not allow freedom so we have no concept of the true value of freedom, except from what other say and from history. Our forefathers and mothers thought so much of the idea of freedom that they were willing to surely give up their lives, break apart families, and forever leave their newborn babies to ensure that they could grow up in freedom. I saw war through the eyes of a parent today and it scared me. It made me hurt for parents today who have children fighting. It left me in awe of those who willingly gave up what I enjoy today in order that others could experience freedom. I hope I never forget this.

All this talk of family and loved ones also got me to reflect on the past 3 months. Today is Sam & Amelia’s 3 month birthday, we’ve had them in our lives for that long, can’t believe it. Along the way we have learned a lot.

I’ve learned love like I never knew it before. I have seen so many new faces of love. I have seen the love of a mother for her daughter and a daughter for her mother with an intensity that is something to behold. I experienced brand new love the first time I saw our babies, again when I first held their teeny-tiny bodies in my hands, again when I first kissed their heads, and everyday when I come home and see them. I see love when I see them. There is still nothing bad about them, they don’t know how to be bad. All they know how to do is to try and survive by crying, eating, and sleeping, we have to do the rest. They are so helpless. I have seen a new side of the love I have for Jenny, the mother of our children. I am experiencing love anew.

I’ve learned the value of a binky. If you don’t know, it’s a priceless value.

I’ve learned how to receive help. We would never have been able to make it without help. We’ve had so much help from so many people, some of those people I am sure we will never thank but their help most assuredly gave us peace, if only for a moment.

I’ve learned that no matter how bad you may have it, be thankful because someone else has it much worse than you.

I’ve learned about stress.

I’ve learned a whole new priority list; things that used to be important have now been replaced. I’ve learned that things, material things and accomplishments, are not what are important.

I am learning about family; how it works from this end. I am trying to figure out how to juggle a very demanding school load, a very demanding home load, and a demanding things-to-do-around-the-house load. So far, all I can tell you is that I have a lot of learning to do.

I’ve only just begun to learn how to be a father and a daddy; and how to be a husband all over again in this new setting.

I can tell you that it is hard and challenging but I would not trade it for the world, the joy I get from a simple look from our babies is worth it all.

I hope you had a wonderful Fourth.