Looking forward, looking back: Pregnancy

As I look forward to this new babe arriving into our life, I can't help but look back as well. I have spent a lot of time reflecting on my pregnancy with Sam and Amelia, their infancy, their toddlerhood....all of the things we are about to experience again, only this time with one baby (plus two four year olds) instead of two babies. Here are some of the thoughts that have been floating around:

The pregnancies.

They have been very, very different. I'll sum it up by saying that this one has been much, much more taxing. I feel like I spent the first trimester deep in a cave and I am just starting to emerge (at almost 20 weeks!). Tired to the bone, nausea ( I threw up once with the twins, and I just stopped counting with this one), more tiredness, quick weight gain (on top of starting our WAY heavier than I did the first go round:/ ). Just all the way around different. Let me just say, THANK THE LORD my mom was here! Really, truly, it would have been not pretty, to say the least! Thank you mom!!

Of course, there are sweet differences too. I have a precious little girl who wants to kiss my tummy and who blurts out things like, "Oh, I just LOVE your baby! I just can't wait for her to come out! I am going to give her a big,big,big kiss and a hug and wear her in a sling and let her sleep with me, and feed her. I am going to yell ' Go mama go!' when you are pushing your baby out. Is it time for her to come out yet? Maybe you should name her Heysha-la. " and on and on. I have a precious little boy who tells me all the things he is going to teach the baby. I have a husband who is notably not in the thick of PA school and because of that is much more excited about the pregnancy and addition to our family than he was the last go round.

A lot of people have asked if I am anxious about this birth/ pregnancy because of how the last one went. I have to say that even though I have moments of anxiousness to be sure, I have to say that overall I am just much more calm inside about everything this time. Maybe because I experienced a pretty traumatic birth and first few months of being a mama and saw how God's grace and lots of attachment principles helped to heal our little family. I saw that you can only plan and hope towards a certain type of birth so much and then the rest is just out of your hands, etc. . Maybe I just don't have time to dwell on it like I did last time? I don't know. But I'm thankful to be in this state. I am reading ONE book on birth this go round (Birth Matters by Ina May Gaskin), not 5 and I think this is a good thing:)

All in all, I guess I have been thinking about how pregnancy is humbling (as is mothering, for that matter) and this one in particular has been. I have never claimed to be a high energy person, but this has taken it to another level. My ideal would be for people to ask how I am feeling and for me to say, "So great! I love every single day of this pregnancy! I've been a little tired but overall it's been a breeze. Gotta run, I'm going to walk five miles before making dinner for friends and family:)." Yeah, not so much.

Anyway, I don't want to be Debbie Downer or anything, I just wanted to give an honest assessment of the past few months and give major thanks to the Lord for His provision in sending my mama and giving me a compassionate and helpful husband:)

Spring is here and I'm feeling better and more energetic, so I'm very hopeful for these next few months. Productivity here I come! :)

Jen

Here we all are at 18 1/2 weeks