The gift of understanding...

I know this is shocking, but sometimes I get a bit frustrated with Joel. :) His time management skills are often lacking, this we both know. I, on the other hand, am ultra time sensitive, and often wish I could lose track of time and just enjoy the moment! Anyway, it's a discussion we have had over and over. You know the kind.

Joel works with people who have long stories of suffering, of tragedy, of loss. Joel's weakness of losing track of time is, of course, also one of his greatest strengths. One way that strength shows itself is when translated into listening. He is a guy that truly listens. Of course, he has a pretty tight schedule to see patients, but he stretches it a bit and in those moments I just know he looks those men and women in the eye and makes them feel as if they are the most important person on earth. It's a feeling they don't feel often and I believe it is in those moments that a lot of healing happens.

Now, I sound so understanding and supportive don't I? Not always! It is also in those exact moments that I am at home putting our babes to bed/bathing them/feeding them, while he is looking those people in the eye, catching up on charts, taking extra time to make calls for them, on the streets searching for those who are alone, sick, addicted...it is in those very moments I am often huffy and hissy and tired.

It's a balance game for both of us. He and his balance of work and family and me and my balance of family and support and understanding of his work.

Last week he was getting close to printing out a form from work that we need for the adoption. In my mind I just couldn't grasp why he hadn't remembered to get it done. Seriously, my mind could not compute it. Then I got this text from him in response to me asking how his schedule was looking for something we had planned that evening,

"Got here and everything has gone wrong. Had to send first pt by ambulance to hospital, next pt was breaking down b/c of losing 8 fam members in 12 months, 5 at once from an auto wreck and had to help dress corpses for funeral, some of which were children, then one pt who has explosive diarrhea couldn't get here from shelter, so I'm waiting for him to come by taxi, having serious computer problems (thus not being able to print out the form for another day). It is frustrating. "

Bits of understanding seep in.

All this to say, he and I are heading out together to LA tomorrow for a conference he is attending on International Street Medicine. LA is the last place we would probably choose to go together, but he is excited to learn and I am excited to understand more. God has shown me that, yes, I have my own passions. Passions towards motherhood and home and education and adoption, but sometimes I hide behind those things in order to opt out of caring for those who Joel cares for (ewwww, sad but true). "It's out of my comfort zone, it's his thing, you know?" "No", God says, "I don't know. It's actually not his thing, it's my thing and I want you to be a part of it."

So, I am going. I'm excited to be with my lovely man, I'm excited to see his work up close and personal (I'll be going on a field trip day with him to Skid Row), I'm excited to see what God is going to do in our hearts. Yes, I will miss our babes (WAAAAA!). Yes, this is the longest we have left them (by far, we'll be gone for 5 days), but I have peace in knowing that there is a greater plan for all of this and, of course, they will be in wonderful hands with their Grandma Shari and Grandpa Jim.

This has been a crazy month, let me tell you. Good, though. Rich and full. Lotsa love to you, Jen

Joel with his bike trailer on outreach, July 2010.