Wednesday, August 13, 2008

I wasn't yet asleep tonight when I heard Amelia crying. This isn't the norm these days and so I waited to see if she would drift back to sleep on her own. It was about 10:30 pm. In the moments that I was waiting I wondered if she would want to breast feed. The babes have nursed only once in the past three days. I wondered how I would get her back to sleep without nursing her. I dreaded trying but am really trying to let them wean if they're ready. Realizing that she wasn't stopping, I quietly slipped in to their room and pulled her into my arms. She quickly hugged her body to me and buried her head into my neck. Tears sprang to my eyes as I walked to the rocking chair and sat down. No trying to pull down my nursing tank, no signing "milk". So I just held her there, rocking and kissing her head. I prayed for her a bit. Specifically, prayed for wisdom in teaching her how to share.
My mind kept coming back to how big she felt in my arms. Like a child. I held her a little bit tighter and then walked her back to her bed. She didn't make a peep as I put her down. "We are all growing together, " I thought as I left the room.

I hate to end this sentimental post by quoting Brad Pitt, but I'm going to anyway. About his ever expanding family he said, "We are raising each other." It's really true. As the babes grow and become more independent, I realize I am growing as well. Moving on in this motherhood journey, learning how to let go of things I held so dear (co-sleeping/breast feeding etc) and embrace the new. Change has always been hard for me. This little time with Amelia tonight comforted me as I was reminded the many, many ways there are to connect. A sleepy snuggle can in fact melt my heart as much as a breast feeding session.

Here's to late night lessons,
Jen

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

Put in my request for vacation tonight. Cannot wait to hold those cuties and my sweet daughter. I have found alot of cute pictures cleaning out my exta storage. Like Jenny and her fashion shows.

Luv ya Dad

Court said...

What a sweet post. May you have many more sweet moments with your little ones...and may we all remember to soak up moments like this. Love ya!

Unknown said...

This makes me cry thinking my moments may end.
precious babies...
Jen I think we have to remember that nursing fosters love, which turns into a bond. A bond so strong, that becomes a life long intimacy.
just a new stage sweet momma...

Sarah H said...

Stella weaned several months ago, and while overall that was a good thing for both of us, I really miss that special connection and snuggle time sometimes. Your post brought tears to my eyes.

I am amazed at what a beautiful thing motherhood is (most of the time!) :D

Anonymous said...

I've never commented on your blog before, although I have thoroughly enjoyed reading it for months now, but this entry really struck a note with me. Looking back on Kilty's childhood, there are so many phases of her life I miss, but it always seemed like when she moved on from one, I ended up enjoying the next one just as much as the previous. Now that she's about grown, and needs me even less(if at all, lol!) than ever in her life, just seeing what a wonderful person she's turned out to be gives me great joy. With what I know of you as a mom, I think it will be the same for you. You'll shed a tear or two when one phase passes, but the new joys you'll find in your babies' growth and development will make what's lost insignificant. Thank you for sharing your beautiful babies. I get a lot of pleasure following your blog. By the way, did your mom ever mention to you that I named the twin fawns born in my backyard a few months ago after Sam and Amelia? I see them fairly often, and I always think of your babies.

Take care,
Craig

Jocelyn said...

Oh, Jenny what a beautiful picture of what it is to learn so much about yourself, about life from your babies. I know that feeling of "where did my babies go?!?"-- rejoicing at the new stage they are in and all they have learned, yet aching for them to be the small bundles of cuddles they were.

Jenny said...

Thanks guys--love hearing your thoughts too. Jenny

Hayden and Kelly said...

You are such a wonderful mother Jenny! Those milestones are so wonderful but so terrible all at the same time! It's so fun to watch Sam and Amelia grow, but so sad to see them voyage out a bit. They are growing so fast and are so adorable! Come see us soon!