Tend and Befriend...

I don't write often about the Mom's group that I am a part of, which is silly because it has been a significant part of my life here in SLC! It started when we were going to New Song Presbyterian and the kids were toddlers (maybe 18months-ish?). I was so thankful for a group of mamas to get together with each week! We tried various formats,etc. but really settled into a great rhythm of alternating between practical and spiritual topics--taking turns speaking on things that are dear or true to our hearts. Right now there has been a baby explosion (round 2) and so while we have two wonderful childcare providers with our older kids, the room is also FULL of babies, which is wonderfully distracting:)

Anyway, last week a friend named Claudia spoke. Claudia is my friend Sara's mom and is also a Nurse midwife. Joel did his OB rotation with her and her practice and loved it! She really spoke some comforting words to me after Jubilee's birth that were a huge encouragement at a very raw and vulnerable time-I'll be forever thankful!

Her talk to us last week was about our emotional health as mamas and how to maintain it. It was a fabulous talk and I have been "chewing" on it ever since. The thing I want to remember is her key words "tend and befriend".

She was talking about how when we are overwhelmed (ahem, I use that word a lot around here:), it is good to get some oxytocin flowing in our body to calm us down, and "tending and befriending" are two great ways to do that!

"Tending" is what she referred to as nurturing our children. Spending at least ten minutes cuddling, reading, rocking...something hands on. It actually gets the oxytocin hormone flowing, which calms us! I can totally see how this is true! I think it's one of the reasons why "attachment parenting" Sam and Amelia was SO healing to us as a family after they came home from the NICU. Wearing them, rocking them, nursing them, responding to their cries, etc. I have also seen it specifically in my relationship with Sam, particularly when he was younger and would have very frequent meltdowns. I would find that when I most wanted to push him away, if I held him close, we both calmed down. Ack! Tears come to my eyes even now as I think of it. I think in our culture of do,do,do- accomplish this accomplish that, it's hard to allow ourselves the time to do this nurturing! But how wonderful that God has designed us this way- that in nurturing our children, we are actually nurturing ourselves too!

Rocking sweet Jubilee. She loves to be rocked to sleep! :)

Nursing twin toddlers on a hike in the mountains:)
Babywearing. Picture by Amelia.
Reading is always a great way to snuggle up with these two!

The other way she talked about getting that Oxytocin flowing is by "befriending", and by that she means spending time with other women! Haven't all of you mamas known this to be true? You are feeling overwhelmed and then get together with a friend, and even if one of yours is having a rough time, you still feel infinitely better after your visit? Living life together! We are not meant to do this alone. Just today, Anne and her girls came over. The kids half heartedly painted together for a while and then went outside and used sticks, markers, tape and other "tools" to make a boat out of a box to surprise us:) So creative, and so messy! And yet still, with a messy house to clean up I can still feel my lifted mood from being with my friend. I have felt this so many, many times. Yet, still, I forget. My introverted self will think of excuses to stay home, etc. and so it did me good to hear that reminder of how good friendship is for the soul and for our emotional health.

Time with my mama (and all of the wonderful women in my family!)is refreshing for sure! Her companionship this past year has been an encouragement beyond words!
A trip to Oregon to see my friend Elizabeth. Ahhh, that was so wonderful!
Anne, my faithful friend from the beginning of my mothering journey! So thankful for that!

So, there ya go. Just wanted to record this before I forget. Tend and befriend. When I feel most overwhelmed, drop everything and hold a baby, scratch a back, snuggle up with a good book and a preschooler, get together with a friend. It's how God designed us. Pretty brilliant I'd say:) Jen