Sometimes.

KSometimes I get a little angst-y over, well, everything. The house that is never all clean at the same time, the school goals that are oh, so hard to accomplish with diapers to change and potty trainers to train, little ones needing naps, big ones wanting snacks. And, speaking of school, Waldorf or Charlotte Mason? Or a combo? Or just do our own thing? Move to Texas, stay in Utah?! Did I mention the dirty house? Did I mention how not only the house, but my whole being feels like a bit of a mess most of the time. Angst! Worry!  

Then, truth comes in and calms me down. From a calming word from my Joel. From a hymn heard while rocking. I raise my hand right there in the rocking chair and say, "seriously, amen". From a Bible study that speaks to our need to dwell in the Lord's presence in order to see our need for Him. Truth. From a conversation with a dear friend, over the roar of toddlers and babies, the encouragement comes. From looking out the window to see the big kids bent over rocks, studying. I open the window and ask what they are doing, giggling with delight inside over the whole precious scene. Sam yells up, " We are cracking open rocks to see if they are crystals. They are, just not rare ones! That's what Amelia's book says." They had brought her book out there with them! Oh goodness. My heart calms down a notch. You see, we may be a tad behind in math (oops!), and babies and toddlers may "interrupt" us often, but these children love to learn. That's what we are going for, right? Deep breath, Jenny. And yes, I'm a mess in so many ways. There is very little margin in my days- they are full to the brim with children, home, husband. So, I neglect other things. Like, personal time and space and thought. Not saying that's good. I'm just saying, I wouldn't trade it. And I need to remember that. Work on the mess, yes, but don't let worry and angst overwhelm me into missing out on the joy. The joy of this life that has been given to me so graciously by God, who knows and loves me fully. Messy heart and home and all. That's all friends. Hope you are able to feel some calm in your heart as well, Jen