The land of silliness...

On the way home from eating dinner out last night (BBQ...mmmm), I recognized that Sam and Amelia are entering a new phase of silliness. The kind of "funny" that goes something like this:

Sam sings in the back seat: "I am a screw and I have legs (HAHAHAHAHA, laugh he and Amelia), I am a screw and I have eyes (HAHAHAHAHA), I am a house with a tree coming out of it (HAHAHAHHAHAH), I am a car with a back and and a neck (HAHAHHOOHOOHAHAHA)!!!!!!!

Meanwhile Joel and sit in the front, laughing only at how funny they think these jokes are and thankful they have each other to experience this silliness with:)

Yes, folks, I think four is going to be a very silly year indeed!
Here are some pictures from this morning that Amelia requested we take (darn this weather--GO AWAY snow!)...



Okay, that last one was from 2007 but I just had to include it since this is birthday reminiscing time:) Jen

How can it be?

How can it be that on Monday these little precious babes will turn FOUR years old? More birthday posts to come for sure, Jen

A tale of two friendships, part 2.

I hope you enjoyed the tale of Sammy and his friends Hershey Bar and Jewelry. The friendships are still going strong and daily we hear new tidbits (today Jewelry saw a flying cow! She also taught Sam how to make cake out of macaroni. Amelia thought that sounded yucky but Sam assures us it is really good:) .
Anyway, today I would like to introduce you to Amelia's sock monkey, Harry.
Now, Harry was actually supposed to be for Joel. That's right. See, Joel has always told me that he dreamed of having a sock monkey as a child and so when I saw Harry at a thrift store on vacation, I grabbed him. As soon as Amelia saw him though, she was in love. Which is funny, because Amelia is never really too attached to toys or things. She has one doll (Baby Black) who she has professed her love towards for longer than one day and a giraffe that she has loved since she was a babe, but usually Sam directs the play and she just goes along with it (trucks? sure. sandbox? ok. sea creatures? fine. etc.) Anyway, she was so cute because she would say over and over as she clutched Harry, " I love your monkey dad. I really, really love him." I've never heard her be so verbally affectionate about a toy. She took him sledding, hiking, to Mesa Verde, to Arches National Park. Everywhere we went on our road trip, she took him. Finally she said to Joel, " I know he is your monkey dad, but can I just call him mine?"

Here they are doing yoga together. Just kidding. We aren't sure what they were doing, but isn't it hysterical?:)




While in Moab we were eating breakfast one morning, I realized Harry was missing one of his arms (which was present when we bought him)! Amelia hadn't noticed and so we decided not to tell her until we saw if it turned up somewhere. Sure enough, when we got back to the hotel, there it was on the bed. I grabbed it and put it in a bag to take home and have mom sew it back on. While we were loading the car though, Amelia saw it in the bag and when she put two and two together she burst into tears and didn't stop crying for thirty minutes! It was quite tragic, though I wouldn't be telling the whole story if I didn't admit that I could not force myself to stop laughing. Oh gosh, it was so funny and sad at the same time. Anyway, she recovered but here she is not long after the revelation :(

Now that Harry is home, he is just one of the crew and not as prized for sure. But she does still love to snuggle with him at bedtime and I do think he will always have a special place in all of our hearts for sure.


So, there ya go. One of the few tales you will hear about Amelia and a prized possession. People are her everything, but this monkey, he found his way into her heart and it was an adorable pair to be sure.
All for now, Jen

A tale of two friendships, part 1.

I have been meaning to sit down and write about Sam and his friend for quite a while now. He started talking about his friend Hershey Bar matter of factly months ago. It took us quite a while to figure out that, duh, Hershey Bar is Sammy's imaginary friend! It just took us by surprise because, for one, it was so out of the blue. One day Hershey Bar was just, there. Well, he lives in the forest. He also dies a lot and goes to heaven to see Jesus but he always comes back to the forest. Sam just throws things out about him when we least expect it. That boy has an imagination that I can't even believe. Here is what we have heard about him so far:

* He is a monster, but really kind.

* He loves everyone in our family.

* He is bigger than Daddy.

* He has a sister named Australia and a brother named John.

* His mouth is on his back, which Sam finds really, really funny.

* He helps people often.

* He and Sam go on all kinds of adventures--scuba diving, hiking, etc.

Oh gosh, there is SO much more. I have no idea where the name Hershey Bar came from, the whole thing is such a mystery to me. Sam finds such joy in telling long and super creative stories, and I guess in the magic of his mind Hershey bar was created! I think also, Sam isn't a huge people person and so an imaginary friend is just perfect for him. I don't think Amelia would ever create such a thing because her "real life" friends meet that social need and someone who she couldn't "really" talk with would never do.

Since then there has been a new imaginary friend added to the mix. Her name is Jewelry. She lives in Africa and can often be found riding on a school bus. That is all I can remember about her for the moment. Oh, she teaches Sam songs and he'll just pop out with, "Jewelry taught me this song, do you know it?" and then preform:)

Oh my, it is such a funny and new experience. I don't think I ever had an imaginary friend, did you? I remember a little plastic heart shaped locket that had an tiny, plastic Annie figurine in it and I would talk to her sometimes. But that doesn't count because she was a toy and not imaginary.

Anyway, that reminds me of friendship number two that I will write about soon. It's Amelia and her sock monkey, Harry. It's a rather sweet story. But right now it is Sunday family nap time and I must go:) Zzzzzzzzzzzz, Jen

Little Artists...

I really love this picture of Amelia and her friend Vera. Amelia is just now really getting into coloring and "writing letters" to her friends and family. In the past, she (nor Sam) have loved coloring. They love play-doh and painting--but her sitting quietly and coloring is new and so fun to see. Vera is the queen of coloring and writing her name, etc. so they had a great time being little artists together.

That's really all I wanted to say about that:) Jen

P.S. Oh yes, I did want to mention that I got to take care of Vera and her 5 month old baby sister Eden for a few hours today. It was lots of wild fun. A couple of things it made me think of:

1. I really love having a baby on my hip (or in a sling:) . It just feels right.

2. Shhh Shhh Shhhh. Trying to "shhhhh" little Eden to sleep reminded me of laying across from Joel in our big bed, two babies in between us, shhh shhh shhh ing them to sleep at night. Even though babies and sleep can be a very frustrating combo, I do have lots of sweet memories as well.

3. It's going to be interesting to see how Sammy transitions with our new babe. I'll leave it at that for now, but my wheels are turning on how to help our sensitive, time and touch needing boy when that time comes.

4. One thing I love about intense child-rearing seasons (like having twin infants) or like today is that I only have to think about the children. It's all I can think about. It's all I can focus on. I know myself and am really, truly okay with that now. Especially because I have experienced that it is just a season. I have enjoyed this season of having a bit more time outside the home, being able to raise my head up and out of the home and grow in other areas of life. I have to say, though, I feel ready to dig down deep in the trenches of intense motherhood again. It's where I am at my best I think (probably because it is where I rely most on the Lord!) .

5. I'm really tired. Really, really tired.

Whew that was a long P.S. !

Oh, catching up is hard to do-oo...

Boy, it's been a while! Sometimes I get out of the habit of blogging because I am overwhelmed by the amount I want to write about, or the amount of pictures I want to post, etc. This time though, it is pure exhaustion. At the end of the day, I have just wanted to crawl in bed and watch the Cosby show on Netflix. Which is what I do. I think I'll always remember the first trimester of this pregnancy as the "Cosby Show trimester." Or maybe more aptly, "The Cosby Show/ Bean Burrito" trimester--but that's for another post (or not:).

Here I am though. Fresh into my second trimester, feeling my energy creeping back in, ready to get back into life! So, I'll start my re-entry into blogdom by telling you a bit about a little trip we went on last week. It was so,so,so,so,so much fun! A real vacation! We road tripped to CO to meet my older brother and his little family in Pagosa Springs.

We left Tuesday afternoon, picked Joel up from work, and headed out on the 4 hour trip to Moab where we stopped for the night. The kids were SO cute in the back seat. I wish we would have written down all of the hysterical things they were talking about. Amelia asked if they had potties in Colorado, and she guessed that an eighteen wheeler may have "planets, or something like that" in the back of it...oh, I don't know, they were just silly and excited and great little travelers. Boy is it easier traveling with two almost four year olds than two babies or toddlers!

Anyway, we made it to Moab late and Sam went right back to sleep in the hotel room. Amelia, of course, talked and talked. The last thing she said was, "Mom, is this great or what?!"

We explored the town a bit Wednesday morning. I love Moab. There was a little creek running right by our hotel and after we ate pancakes the babes just sat by the creek and threw in rock after rock. It was their paradise.

We headed out and made it to Pagosa Springs around 3ish in the afternoon. Again, the babes did so great for the most part in the car. They colored and played with these little lizards mom had given them for the trip and talked and talked. Anyway, we were all SO happy to see Bub and Robin and little Lucy Loo. Robin's mom was so generous in sharing her lovely cabin and it felt like such a luxury to have such a beautiful place to stay and explore. The babes first desire was to take a bath in the jetted tub, and so they did!

We stayed at the cabin from Wednesday-Saturday and it was just great. There was still snow on the ground, but it was sunshiney and so we were able to get outside. Here is some of the fun that was had:
Robin and I went into town one day and window shopped and ate a looooong lunch and caught up. That was wonderful.

We just spent time together. It was so much fun to love on Lucy and see Sam and Amelia so loved by their Auntie and Uncle.





We had some fun times outside too...







And then there was goodbye...the never fun part. The part where I always boo hoo hoo. We are so thankful though for the time spent with sweet family, the memories made, the adventure taken. We look so forward to doing it again!

(This picture makes me smile. Joel's goodbyes are so playfully dramatic. I'm jealous that he can be playful while I have real tears and snot running down my face:/).

Well guys, I guess that's where I'll close for now. We had some fun adventures on the way home too, and I'll try to post about those soon. I need to get those pictures off of Joel's phone. Anywho, it's good to be back in this little space. Lotsa love, Jen

Simple things...

There is a quilt drying on the clothesline, the little ones are having a "buggie adventure" in the back yard sunshine. We all have our shoes off and are soaking up this welcome break from the snow. I deem this the perfect first day of March. Dreams of Spring abound:)

He's got soul!

Sam LOVES this song right now--loves, loves, loves it! I think it is so interesting to see which songs they grab onto. Anyway, we love hearing him sing it:)
Jen

Our little sweethearts on Valentine's day...

Whew, I can't seem to stay caught up these days! Ah well, here are some pictures of Sam and Amelia celebrating Valentine's Day:)

First was their party at preschool. Fun and treats and crafts abounded:)
When they first get to school they have "open exploration" until hello circle starts. Their classroom is a studio full of fun things to spin on, slide down, jump over, etc. What fun!

This is Sammy's favorite thing to do at school first thing in the morning. He likes for me to give him a few spins before I leave:)

Sam and Vera decorating his Valentine Bag. Sam gave his friends matchbox cars with their Valentines (he was very excited about this:) and Amelia gave hers salt dough heart necklaces that she made with Mammy.

The three amigos enjoying some treats.

Sharing a lick:)

The preschool party aftermath!:) They were both clutching chocolate, which of course melted and made a mess! It was so cute though.


Hope your Valentine's Day was lovely as well!


Hope to write more soon,
Jen

Early morning musings.

I'm here in the guest bed with sweet Amelia. She has been sick for about a week and we are running our normal cycle. She gets sick, then when she's almost better Sam gets it and then she often gets it back from him. Fun! So we have been up since four- more medicine administered, then a coughing fit ending in throw up, and now quiet and fewer coughs and maybe some sleep? Though now that I'm up, my tummy is feeling on edge and hungry, a seemingly constant combo these days.
Anyway, being up with them frequently during the past week's nights has made me remember back to their infancy and to the new infant that Lord willing will join us in September. I thought to myself tonight, " it's the beauty and the challenge." Now, I hazily remember the deliriousness that came from lack of sleep, the frustration of trying to get Amelia to sleep ( it's been her lifelong challenge), etc. But I also remember the beauty that comes with that sacrificial love. It gets us outside of ourself- it stretched me and grew me and increased my dependence on the Lord.
I thought of that tonight as I lay next to Amelia after she threw up. I was telling her that she was always so brave when she is sick and how proud I am of her that she doesn't complain ( a virtue I admit i do not possess) when she doesn't feel well. I told her what a strong girl she is and in that moment I thought , " There IS beauty in being up at 4 with your little one. Having the chance to affirm her strength and to stretch my own." I think of Sam in our room laying next to Joel, feeling safe and loved next to his daddy. I think of Joel, who has been sleeping at least part of the night next to that little boy for almost four years now, that snuggly, wiggly, crotch kicking little sleeper and once again I think- " yep, it's the beauty and the challenge." Now then, all is well. It is five and Amelia is back to sleep. I'm going to go get a piece of toast and try to get some more sleep myself.
Love to you this early morning and feel free to remind me of this post in the future:) Jen

Theme of the week: Hearts!

So, I know I haven't been very faithful in blogging about pre-school themes, but better late than never! So, this week at school they will be learning about hearts! The body part, the shape, and the emotions that come from the heart will be discussed, danced about, explored through art and music, etc.

At home, I'm keeping it pretty simple. Mom has already been doing Valentines crafts with them (another area where Mammy excels and mama happily takes a back seat!) and today I pulled out some books about love and Valentines day. Also, tonight before bed we read in one of their little devotional type books about what love looks like in action. How do we love our family, friends and neighbors?

Love is something to get excited about! Sure, Valentines day can be annoying and expensive if we make it that way, but this year I want to keep it simple. Use it as a reminder to think about true, nitty gritty love. The love of God shown through people in our lives here on earth.

Shown through my mom when she came and completely, unselfishly, unabandonly loved and cared for us when the babies were born (and a million other times in my life).
Shown through Joel when he comes home from work, tired and bleary eyed and takes out the trash or loves on the babes or one of the hundred other things he has on his plate.
Shown when a neighbor calls and said she made some extra dinner and wants to know if she can share (yes, every time:).
Shown when a sweet Sam holds his sisters feet "so she won't fall in the potty" as he knows she is a bit on edge in public restrooms.
Shown when we mamas hold our children close when we most want to push them away.
Shown in millions of little ways, every day, across the world; helping us catch a small glimpse of the power of the true love of Christ.

So, there ya go. Preschool theme for the week is hearts. A theme I guess I must really love:)

Yes, in the first picture Amelia is practically sitting on my head. I love it because this is such a perfect picture of her. She WILL be close to you and if you say you don't want her to sit in your lap, well, this is what you get:)






All for now, Jen

A "smooky" story, just for you!

Sam and Amelia love for me to tell them "smooky" (spooky) stories. Their favorites are this series I tell them about two little girls named Jenny and Jennifer (yes, Jennifer K, this is me and you!) who go on all kinds of adventures and get lost in cornfields, and forests and on beaches, and by rivers! They always have so much fun, but eventually run into trouble...trouble like scary noises, large constructions sites that try to scoop them up in cranes, wild pigs chasing them through fields and valleys. It's a crazy, "smooky" world out there, but they always find a way to get home to their waiting mamas! :)

Anyway, Joel and I had a spooky adventure of our own tonight, and since this isn't the kind of story I can tell Sam and Amelia, you are the lucky listeners! :)

Joel and I went to the movies tonight! Yes, this is a big deal. I don't even remember the last time we went. We've never been great about getting out on consistent dates since Sam and Amelia were born. The only times we really go out are when we trade a friend baby sitting or when our parents are visiting. But now, Mammy is here! Woo hoo! So, out we went.

We saw The Fighter and it was so, so good. We also ate popcorn for dinner (no butter, if that makes that sound any better:). Fun stuff. I don't mean to get to mushy gushy, but as we walked out and Joel took a phone call (he's on call), I thought to myself, "Boy is he handsome. Boy do I love him." Yep, dates are good!

So, we were waiting on the elevator to come take us to the parking garage and waiting with us was one other man. He was not creepy looking really, but was dressed in all black and when I caught his eye I wasn't sure how to read him.

Let me back up and say that I finished reading The Gaurdian last night. My mom read it and then I picked it up because I was wanting a new novel to read. She failed to tell me that it was a CREEPY, SCARY book! I was totally and completely freaked out last night. I couldn't stop reading but I couldn't quit jumping at every sound I heard. So, I may have already been a bit on edge tonight.

Okay, back to the elevator. It finally came and the three of us got on. Soon after we got on the man slapped his hands against his coat making a loud noise and I think I jumped 2 feet. Still not sure what he was doing but I looked to find the alarm button on the elevator just in case. Then, oh then, when we had about 2 floors left to go he reaches into his pocket and pulls out....latex gloves. I am not kidding. He puts them on! I almost pressed the alarm but knew the doors were about to open. Whew. After we got out I put two and two together and realized he must have been a janitor coming to collect trash (I'm pretty sure his coat had the movie theater emblem on it), but not before Joel said, "I'm glad we didn't just get murdered!" He had put the keys in between his fingers to stab him if something had happened. Sheesh. Spooky indeed!

Sweet dreams....bwah hahahahaha.

Okay, I won't end this on that note. I'll share this picture with you. While we were fighting for our lives (ha ha), all was well and happy at the home front. It is so fun to go our completely relaxed because you know the little ones are spending time with their Mammy! They were watching Mary Poppins and loving it!:)

Jen

A story of life and letting go...

Oh goodness, I have been putting off writing this post because it is just. so. complicated. Such is life, I guess, messy and complicated and not the nice, neat package that we all desire.

The bottom line is that we decided to postpone our adoption plans. It was a hard and very emotional decision.

It was a bumpy road from the very beginning, really, but I know many adoption journeys are. Looking back, we realize that Joel felt we began the journey too soon. We began without a firm foundation of how we would pay the enormous adoption costs (while paying off some credit card debt,etc) and without a foundation of knowledge about adoption in Ethiopia. We just knew we had always wanted to adopt, we knew it was a long process and that Joel had good income finally, we knew Ethiopia was currently one of the smoothest adoption processes, and we knew of a great agency with a long history in Ethiopia, so let's do it!

I quickly realized that the paperwork piece of the adoption was like a part-time job and I wasn't nearly as efficient at it as I imagined I would be! I also felt Joel's hesitance in getting his part of the paperwork complete. Now we realize that he was feeling pressured and I was feeling frustrated because I knew there were time limits in getting the stuff done!

And so the months went by.

Along the way, we gained knowledge about the adoption process and with knowledge just came more questions. We realized that one reason for the looooong wait (sometimes years once your paperwork was in Ethiopia) is because there is a long,long,long,long line of adoptive parents waiting for healthy babies to be born and come into agency care. In a sense, the demand is outweighing the supply! Meanwhile, there are millions of waiting children around the world who are a bit older or who have special (minor or major) medical needs who are waiting for families while families wait for babies. We realized we wanted to change our focus to a waiting child adoption.

We needed to do more research,though, on which special needs we thought we were able to parent, etc. Meanwhile, our paperwork was expiring (again) and we were having to basically start our dossier over. It just became too much. Too overwhelming for me to do alone, and after some difficult conversations I suggested we stop the process until we had time to get on the same page, take some time to establish a firm financial foundation, continue researching the many facets of international adoption, etc. It was a tough couple of days that followed. I just felt so very sad , confused, weary. At the same time, it felt right and also felt like I was able to release the process back into the hands of the Lord.

I know part of the disappointment was how it would look to everyone. Fail. We failed! I knew of so many friends who also desire to adopt and felt like somehow we would go before them and then be able to support them on their journey! I see now that it was pride.

I don't know why the Lord had us go through this process. I'm sure it was refining in many ways. Maybe we will continue the journey in the future. Maybe there is a child/children He will allow us to parent and love through adoption at some point. But for now, His plans are different.

Two days after we made our decision and contacted our agencies, my mom talked me into taking a pregnancy test. She said she just really thought there was something going on beyond my sadness and disappointment over the adoption. I thought she just didn't realize how deep my disappointment went. Also, we had not been able to get pregnant without clomid before or since the babes, and so why would I be pregnant now?!?! To appease her, I took one and it was immediately positive! So were the next two that I took! We were seriously in shock (well, my mom was not surprised at all:).

The timing. It was an absolute gift from the Lord. Not that I consider having "my own" baby any better or more true than if our adoption would have gone through. I just mean it is a gift that we found out about the baby after we had already made the decision to postpone our adoption. That the babe wasn't at all the reason we chose to stop the process. That may not makes sense, I don't know, but it does to me!

So we move forward, thrilled and thankful and so very surprised about this new life (only seven and a half weeks along). We still very much support adoptive families (hello, our neighbors have the most precious newborn baby Charlotte that I am totally in love with!), and would love to share any lessons we have learned. The most important being to be on the same page as much as possible with your spouse before you begin. Have the difficult, honest, raw conversations along the way as need be. Have lots of grace with each other. Research adoption. Read adult adoptee testimonies. Read about attachment. Read the hard stuff and read the beautiful stuff--there is lots of both. Talk to adoptive families. Find out their challenges and their incredible triumphs. And, finally, I guess we learned that it's okay to let go.

Whew, that feels better. Now you are up to date friends.

Love to you, Jen

A winter adventure...

Ok, I have GOT to break this non-blogging spell! It's a case of "I have too much to write and I don't know where to start!". Anyway, I'll just start here.

Joel, my mama, and the babes went snowshoeing with friends over the weekend! I was feeling yucky and stayed home (not so yucky that I couldn't meet them for a Cafe Rio salad afterwards...mmmm), but I was so excited for them to get out of this terrible, inversion polluted SLC air and into the crisp, clean mountain air. They had a blast. Mom was a such a trooper and did great and loved it, and the babes just got into their mountain zen zone that they get into and had so,so,so,so much fun. Joel had found this awesome sled thing at a yard sale over the summer and this was his first time using it to pull the kids (though they did snowshoe a lot!) and he said it was great. They just laid back and zoned out. Well, Amelia sang a lot as well. Oh, they are just the best entertainment in this almost 4 stage!

Without further ado, here are some of mom's pictures that I stole:)

In other exciting news, here is a super bowl commercial that my little brother is in--woo hoo! He is the handsome guy with long hair playing bass.

Guess that's all of the excitement for now. Goodness gracious, hopefully I'll be back sooner than later!:) Jen

Proud of my man:)

Here is a link to a recent interview Joel had with the City Weekly newspaper concerning the outreach program he is a part of at the clinic where he works (turn to page five and click on the article he is in and then under options, you can enlarge it). I really am proud of the way Joel has followed his passion, done the hard work it took to become a Physician Assistant, and continues to stretch himself and find new ways to meet the needs of the population he works with. It inspires me to work hard and follow my dreams as well! Love you Joelie.

Bears, bears, bears!

I've always meant to keep a written record of the things we do at home to go along with their weekly pre-school theme, but as of yet I haven't done one post about it! So, one New Year hope is that I will be diligent to do one post a week about our learning basket theme. We'll see how it all pans out:)

This week is bears! Miss Erin, their wonderful teacher, gives us a detailed lesson plan she will be using at the beginning of each week. It is a wonderful way to know what they are reading, singing, playing, etc. when they are at pre-school to provide extensions at home. Sometimes I don't, but most of the time I at least go through our book stash and find some books to go with the theme.

When I read today that the theme was bears, I was excited! I knew we had several books on bears, some beloved (like "Going on a Bear Hunt" , "Jesse Bear, What will you wear?", and "Winnie the Pooh") and some non-fiction and even a poetry book. I get excited about these things:)

I pulled our bears out of the animal basket and we sat down and started in on the books this evening. They played with their bears in the bath tonight. After all, tonight we read all bears can swim.

Ahhhh, give me a theme and you make my teacher's heart and mama's heart and just my heart in general, happy. It brings me a small sense of control in this wild world-ha.

So, there ya go. We'll read our bear books this week and on into next I'm sure. We'll play "bears" and make dens to hibernate in, we'll sort our color bears, and maybe make something with honey in the kitchen:) I have a Jesse Bear print out that I've been meaning to laminate, like a paper doll that they put weather appropriate clothes on. Maybe I'll finally get that project done. Probably not. Never say never, though.

Okay, that's all for tonight. I'll try to keep these posts short so that I don't intimidate myself into thinking they need to be elaborate:)

Jen